If you remember my blog post yesterday (chances are you probably don’t) then you’ll remember how it was called “everything is shite and it’s all Jeremy Clarkson’s fault”. Although I may not be able to put Clarkson behind bars before he does it himself, I can still say one thing: everything is shite.
I’ve started using my phone to get my newspapers so that I can still sit about in my bed till 5 o’clock in the afternoon and not feel so guilty. Typically I’ll just get the metro since it’s impartial and , most importantly, free. Within the first few pages of today’s issue, I had already read about how the UK is trailing behind other countries in battling the most common types of cancer. Even while I was reading the piece I remembered the study that took place where somebody had developed cancer after extensive use of their mobile phone over ten years and immediately chucked my phone away. Even if you were worried about your health, it seems like wether you’re a woman or a young child you’d be better off not going to the doctors with news stories exposing the filthy crimes of doctors becoming even more of a daily occurrence.
You’d maybe think just because of that one issue why don’t you just move somewhere else like America. Well to get there you’d need to go by plane and flying at the moment is a big NO at the moment, almost like thinking that socket of yours needs a bit of a fixing and wielding your fork to fix it. Today’s plane crash in the French Alps in unsurprisingly not the first. Over the past year there’s been as many plane crashes as there has been terrible Adam Sandler films. Scientists are still trying to figure out which one is worse.
So just by checking the news briefly I’ve found out that I’m pretty much fucked if I’m diagnosed with a terminal illness and that there’s no chance of my flying without being knocked out beforehand. There’s even worse shit going on around the world that we’re all very much aware of that don’t worry us as much but are still there nestled at the back of your mind such as terrorism.
ISIS/IS/ISIL/IS Club 7 are still around and are fucking shit up like yer da playing laser quest. If they’re not fucking up historic landmarks and filling up graves with troops then they’re brainwashing teenagers from Britain with their propaganda. They’d probably save more money if they just sponsored some British vloggers, you’d have your membership tripling in no time.
I guess it’s not all so bad. David Cameron says he won’t be serving a third term, must be something to do with reptilians having a shorter lifespan, and Ed Milliband is getting called a “fucking knob” by other MPs.
If all else fails and the world does ultimately go to shit, we can all just hippy circle around that massive bomb from WW2 just found in South East London and go out while recreating Woodstock. Just don’t fly down if you’re coming from Scotland.