Jake’s 6 Underrated Horror Flicks

Hey y’all, Jake here.

For my next trick, I’ve decided to try and shine a wee light on some of the lesser known horror flicks that are floating around the filmosphere, because I feel bad for them and feel they deserve a bit of attention. Here we chuffing go, you lovely lot!

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First on the agenda is 2013’s Coherence, directed by James Ward Byrkit, this Canadian sci-fi/thriller is a hard one to describe without ruining anything. Basically, some old friends meet for a dinner party during a meteor shower and shit hits the fan in a wonderfully headfucky way. Great acting, a plot that is near impossible to pin down, and one of the best endings I can remember in recent sci-fi history, this is definitely one to add to your Halloween watch party.

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Next up, I thought I’d go contemporary with Stephen Congnetti’s 2015 found footage spooktacular Hell House LLC. It follows a team of… it’s hard to give a description of their job, they travel around the US refurbishing abandoned / spooky looking places and making them into haunted mansions or ghost train things. It’s a hard job but some poor motherfucker has to do it.

Anyway, this particular house that they decide to flip is positively crawling with ghosties and ghoulies, so much so that the majority of the crew don’t want to continue with the build, except for the project manager who for some reason cares more about the build than the safety of himself and the other crew members. If you look past that silliness it’s a remarkably effective and enjoyable found footage romp. I caught it on Shudder, and I believe it’s on Amazon Prime now as well.

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Now we’re onto Turkish gore-fest Baskin. Directed by Can Evrenol, this film is all sorts of fucked up. It follows a group of Turkish policeman as they investigate strange goings-on within an abandoned building. The true nature of these goings on, I shan’t tell you, for it would ruin the fun, but just know that this flick is not for the faint of heart. Half of the budget must have been spent on the gore effects alone, and I mean that very sincerely. This is a raw, visceral film that does not hold back one bit, and it is all the better for it.

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Penultimately, let’s talk about Creep 1 & 2, starring the incredible Mark Duplass. This tells the tale of a violently mentally ill man who may or may not have given his videographer (played brilliantly by Patrick Brice) the full low down on his “situation”. Creep 2 follows the story along almost straight after the events of the first have unfolded, so to spoil any of that would be silly of me, wouldn’t it? BAD JAKE! VERY BAD! STRAIGHT TO YOUR ROOM! WITH NO SUPPER!

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Eh, sorry. Haha. Anyway, one thing Creep 2 does masterfully is sort-of-but-not-really dissect YouTuber culture and the lengths some creators will go to just to gain more clicks. It’s really cool, superbly tense and Mark Duplass is fucking magnificent. They’re both on Netflix and they aren’t long at all so it’s really ideal for a double feature.

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Lastly, for this piece, I’d be positively overjoyed to talk about Monster House! Monster House, while not overtly “Scary” per-se, has a creepy atmosphere that lingers throughout. It’s also incredibly funny and sad and weird, AND it was written by Dan Harmon. It follows a team of three kids who are convinced that the man who lives across from them’s house is alive and is eating children, pets, toys, cars, you name it! (Sounds a bit like my mother in law! ZING! (Sorry Catherine please god don’t hurt me)). This is one you can fire on and watch with your younger siblings/ children/kids your babysitting / whatever you get up to I won’t tell the police, so it’s well worth firing up on Netflix if you’re after a wee bit of fun.

So that’s my list! Tune in next time where I put on a GoPro and jump into a piranha tank! Bye, I love you!

Halloween 2015: The Best Creepypastas! 

Halloween is fast approaching. Time to drench yourself in blood (hopefully fake) and get your spook on. Just like a male MP thinking about tampons, this time of the year is full of horror, whether it be watching Nightmare On Elm Street for the 50th time or drinking so much that your liver is no longer amongst the living.

All jokes aside, and in a non social justice warrior way, it’s 2015: movies are no longer the main source of scares. The horror genre has been filled with jump scare filled flicks that rely too much on shaky cam, meaning you’ll be running to the bathroom due to motion sickness before you let out a scream. Nope, the greatest scares can be found right here. No, not on my blog, although you might find my posts scarily bad, they can be found on the internet.

Creepypastas have boomed in popularity, no doubt due to the appeal of telling your favourite camp-site horror stories around the world’s biggest camp-fire. Whether or not any of them are true, the paranoia that takes place makes it too hard not to read  There’s terrible ones and there’s good ones but here at BLINKCLYRO, we’ve chosen the best there is so readers beware, you’re in for a scare (don’t sue me R.L. Stine).

1999

Whereas most lists will gradually work their way up to the best, I’m gonna come out here and say it: 1999 is my favourite creepypasta. There’s so many things that just put it up on its unreachable pedestal, whether it be the simple blog style that the story is told via or how the dark subject matter slowly drips out rather than how most stories on the internet go from 0-100.

It’s definitely one of the biggest creepypastas, in fact it could be considered a short story in its own right, but it totally justifies every single word. 1999 follows Elliot, a young adult who is trying to find out about a TV channel he used to watch when he was younger called Caledon Local 21. What starts out as an innocent enough station, albeit badly produced, becomes more sinister with every update. I won’t go into any more detail since spoiling this story would be a crime, just bare in mind that the name Mr Bear will etch itself into the back of your mind.

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If you like this, try: Candle Coveanother story about petrifying television with a plot twist you’ll not see coming.

Squidward’s Suicide

Right this is a bit of a safe choice but seeing as it’s the first creepypasta I’ve ever read, I’m allowed to wear my rose tinted glasses for this. Squidward’s Suicide is undoubtedly the most famous Lost Episode creepypasta, stories that can only be classed as “childhood ruiners”. Unlike cartoon theories, which have to rely heavily on evidence shown by the show to try and make any disturbing revelation, lost episode creepypastas are free to do as they want. Although there are a lot of terrible ones, the truly great ones stick with you.

I don’t know if it’s possible to spoil a story that has its conclusion in the title but what makes me admire this creepypasta the most is even though it tells you what’s going to happen before you even glance at the intro, it manages to shock you. It features some graphic descriptions that even the mere mention of them made my skin crawl all over. It may have inspired a lot of copycats who use the term “hyper realistic blood” like it’s going out of style but nothing will ever have the same effect as me as the vivid account of screams and crying.

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If you like this, try; Suicidemouse.avi, the grandfather of the Lost Episode genre which is arguably just as disturbing as its successors.

The Devil Game

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Oaft. Ritual creepypastas are a common sight on the internet, acting like a guide you’d see on a baking site but instead of lovely cakes or biscuits, you’re creating something that’s capable of killing someone. So basically you’ll become the worst Great British Bake Off contestant of all time. The Devil Game does exactly what you’d expect it to and explains how to summon Satan himself. This is no doubt one of my favourite creepypastas due to the extreme detail the narrator goes into about the repercussions as well as the tiniest little bits of info for the guide. There’s one thing that makes this as amazing as it is.

The aforementioned thing I love so much about this one in particular is that as soon as you’re finished it, you want to read it all over again. No, not to follow the steps it details. Have you ever seen Fight Club that famous David Fincher movie with Edward Norton and Brad Pitt? Then you get one of cinemas greatest revelations half way through? If the answer is aye then you’ve no doubt analysed every scene before that twist, thinking how stupid you were not to notice it. That’s what The Devil game is, the creepypasta version of Fight Club. Just less explosions, more sacrificing your soul.

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If you like this, try; One Man Hide And Seek, like The Devil Game it does exactly what it says on the tin. Just, whatever you do, don’t try it out.

Abandoned by Disney

The greatest creepypastas make you think to yourself: was that real? Of course anything involving some 7 limbed creature is a bit difficult to believe but when they’re as simple and justified as Abandoned By Disney’s, you can’t help but feel a bit paranoid.

Yes, of course Disney would do something like this. They’re one of the world’s biggest companies and constantly try to capitalise on their franchises so it makes sense they’d open a resort based on Jungle Book, one of their most beloved franchises. As the story progresses, you start to feel paranoid. What could possibly be left in this desolate place? The state of the surroundings is something that makes this story stand out as to this day, I can still remember the writer describing the inside of the palace as so bare, he thinks people had stolen the molding off the walls. Absolutely immersive and the pacing, for a creepypasta, is great, building up to a pleasing conclusion, though that’s probably the wrong choice of words. Check this story out for yourself to find out.

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If you like this, try; Russian Sleep Experiment, again one of the most popular creepypastas on the web but one that’s still disturbing as all hell.

11 Miles

Last but certainly not least and fortunately for fans of The Devil Game, it’s another ritual. This time though, it’s even more terrifying which is a pretty big feat considering the whole, yeno, Devil thing.

What makes this one of the best creepypasta? To put it simply, it has a brilliant concept and an even better execution. As each mile of your journey passes and you get closer to your desire, you also get closer to a fate worse than death. The fear that strikes you gradually ramps up to such a level that you want to get out the car yourself and run away. i’d definitely suggest this as any newcomer to creepypasta’s starting off point: simple and most importantly scary.

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If you like this, try; The Rake, told in a timeline style that tells the tale of the eponymously named horrifying creature. Read with the lights on.

So that’s that. The most spine-chilling creepypastas to keep you scared this halloween and you know what the best part is? That’s only the tip of the iceberg. There’s even more stories like this on the internet, perhaps you’ve already read some and feel dissapointed like they missed out on this list. Let me know in the comments below and don’t forget to follow me at @blinkclyro for more spooky ramblings. Oh and before I forget.

Happy Halloween!

Big love, Liam x