10 Worst Songs of 2017

Last year our disdain seemed to be focussed on right-wing racists, a newly elected tangerine and a bucket load of celebrity deaths. 2017 changed this big time by…well nothing has really changed bar celebrities becoming dead to us rather than six feet under. Another thing that has remained rather consistent is the amount of horrible music we’ve been graced (?) with. Of course, there have been plenty of amazing tunes that still give us faith in the art form but there’s a lot that have done the complete opposite – 10 to be exact. So without further ado, here’s our tight and rage-fuelled list that had us reaching for the skip button… 

10. Arcade Fire – Chemistry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh87aqB-0KU

One part ska, one part reggae, Chemistry is the epitome of influence overriding a song: popping up around halfway through Arcade Fire‘s Everything Now, the track seems set to ruin any enjoyment that the listener may have been having up till this point with its stomach-churning mesh of influences.

There’s a line on one of the weakest cuts off the band’s new LP, though they’re not hard to come by, where Win Butler chimes about dancing “with your boyfriend all night long, tell him that you really, really love his song“: if the tune in mind happened to be Chemistry then I get the feeling the partner in question would be saying it through gritted teeth. – Liam Menzies (@blnkclyr)

9. G Eazy – Him & I (Ft. Halsey)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA7AIQw-7Ms

Like a bargain bin (03) Bonnie & Clyde, Gregory Eazy, and Halsey have linked up on what is, in my opinion, one of the single worst songs released in 2017.

We’ve been absolutely blessed when it comes to quality music this year, artists like Charli XCX, Tove Lo, Dua Lipa, Carly Rae Jepsen and Sigrid especially keeping pop music interesting and catchy as fuck. Leave it to Halsey and G-Eazy to buck this trend. This is lazy pop-rap at it’s worst. An uninspired hook from Halsey, a sleep-inducing beat from whatever factory it was shat out of and, bluntly, G-Eazy cannot rap to save his life. He’s awful, and I cannot for the life of me fathom how he’s gotten as popular as he is. An utter, utter mystery.

If, for some weird reason, you want to listen to a pop star and a rapper collaborate, here’s a list of better songs than this: Kendrick Lamar & Rhianna – LOYALTY. Eminem and Dido – Stan. 2pac and Elton John – Ghetto Gospel. Katy Perry and Kanye West – ET. Francis and the Lights and Chance, The Rapper – May I Have This Dance?. Estelle and Kanye West – American Boy. I could go on, but I won’t because I imagine you get the idea.

In short, stop supporting G-Eazy because he’s bad and stop supporting Halsey because she’s trash. Toodle pip! – Jake Cordiner (@jjjjaketh)

8. Liam Payne – Strip That Down

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSW2M-BB1NE

Before one of you indie fucks hits out with the “well Liam Payne was in One Direction, of course his debut single is gonna suck“, I have two things to say to you: 1) Harry StylesSign Of The Times and 2) you’re sadly right about this tune being god awful.

With a beat that sounds like the regurgitated remains of Iggy Azalea’s Fancy, Strip That Down feels like it’s constantly trying too hard to be explicit and cool: Quavo is big right now? Let’s chuck him in. People remember me as the teen from that boy band? Let’s talk about how into sex I am! I love sex! I always tell the ladies I’m gonna bring the Payne!

The biggest offence of Strip Me Down is just how boring it is: Payne’s vocals, while not terrible, are so devoid of any charm or notable trait that you’ll probably find yourself drifting off throughout it, stripped down into your jammies. – LM

7. Liam Gallagher – Wall Of Glass

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdJc7-ZEuT0

Liam Gallagher‘s act is wearing a bit thin; middle-aged man takes pot shots at people & things, including his brother on Twitter and everyone laughs. Wall of Glass, the lead single from his roundly underwhelming solo effort, As You Were,  was wearing thin whilst it was going through the mixing desk.

Not even Greg Kurstin, wonder pop producer could shake this nightmare awake. One of the worst things about this track is the whiny lead guitar: lead guitar should scream, this groans. The lyrical theme leaves the ears wanting and the delivery sounds like an old Manc dad trying to sing Oasis after 15 pints of Carling.

Just because Liam Gallagher can, doesn’t mean he should; Beady Eye were wholesomely underwhelming, and As You Were was largely disappointing. If you’re going to do something like this, whole arse it, instead of half arsing it and letting your reputation build the hype. – Oliver Butler (@notoliverbutler)

6. Kasabian – You’re In Love With A Psycho

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kimPUWSwxIs

Remember that unholy trio of Kasabian, Empire & West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum? Those three albums were chock full of choice tracks, and sure Velociraptor had its moments, 48:13 was… different, and by the time we got to For Crying Out Loud, Serge’s beans had been blown and he was gasping for air.

You’re In Love With a Psycho feels like a band trying to write a Kasabian song, and missing the mark. Further to the point, in 2017, where so many musicians have talked so openly about mental health issues, with several losing their lives as a result, are the lyrics wholly appropriate?

This song is representative of the whole album; there’s nothing overwhelmingly bad about it, but it’s wholesomely forgettable. Drunk you can take the wheel to songs like L.S.F and Fire, sober you is struggling to work out who took lead vocals on You’re In Love With a Psycho. – OB

5. The Chainsmokers & Coldplay – Something Just Like This

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FM7MFYoylVs

The epitome of shallow, vapid, soulless corporate pop concocted by the musical equivalent of those weird twenty-year-old guys studying photography in college who message sixteen-year-old girls stating they’re “fascinated by their minds lol xD”. The only hint that Coldplay actually features on the track is courtesy of the reliably beige Chris Martin, whose ham-fisted piano playing and whiny, strained vocals somehow never go out of fucking fashion, unlike the EDM drops and synthesisers that plague this smash hit that died a death back in 2014.

Listening to Something Just Like This is a bit like blow-torching your nipples on some form of incredibly powerful hallucinogenic drug – you think it’s a bit of harmless fun, but in reality, the experience is painful, unrewarding, and worrying for anybody around you. – Josh Adams (@jxshadams)

4. KSI – Creature

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkUu7GBuxkk

It’s the end of 2017 and KSI is still a thing, unfortunately. He is still insistent on making a name for himself a grime artist despite no one over the age of 14 asking for it. Making his big “comeback” with Creature, KSI claims he has “been doing a lot of learning” but whatever he learnt it wasn’t either how to write a decent verse or deliver it with any sincerity.

The lyrics range from unbelievably stupid to outright hypocritical such as his claim that his “only advice is to love and forgive” despite having proven himself multiple times this year to be insensitive towards mental health issues and publicly body shaming a fellow YouTuber.

His flow is choppy and awkward as always, so much so the only three or four lines he delivers well in the second verse he actually repeats, assumably to save himself any further embarrassment. Creature can be filed along with the myriads of other evidence that YouTubers should not assume themselves to be musicians. – Ethan Woodford (@human_dis4ster)

3. Jake Paul – Everyday Bro

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSlb1ezRqfA

A truly abysmal, laughable attempt at hip-hop. An abomination. To be fair, it’s hard to decide whether this entire track was conceived as some sort of joke – a Socratic self-aware parody of privileged white kids on the internet, perhaps. If so, the joke is very much on us.

Through an inexplicable series of events, it reached #3 on iTunes despite being written in a day, not to mention achieving widespread infamy for its obnoxious lyrics and its dull, uninspired beat. Jake Paul was no doubt laughing all the way to the bank, however – safe in the knowledge that unleashing this festering turd of a song would augment his already considerable paycheck (rumoured to be in the region of “10 with six zeros“).

Attempting to critically analyse the track’s content is a waste of time as most of the lyrics revolve around petty beef with fellow YouTubers, such as the equally insufferable PewDiePie, as well as boasting of their social media success. Some particularly cringe-inducing lines from the Team 10 arsenal includes the opening line of Jake’s first verse, “I Usain Bolt and run, catch me at game one”, and Tessa Brooks’ baffling diatribe about Alissa Violet: “I’m flyin’ like a drone / They buying like a loan”. Not to be outdone, Nick Crompton’s mercifully short-lived verse sees him rhyming “shitty” with “litty” and announces that “England is my city”.

Pitbull? Eat yer heart out. Utter shambles. – Kieran Cannon (@kiercannon)

2. Ed Sheeran – Galway Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87gWaABqGYs

Not many things annoy me more than people who are not rappers, trying to rap. Which is why Galway Girl by Ed Sheeran has earned its rightful place on this list.

Amazingly, the lyrics manage to feel clunky and out of place, but also painfully predictable. The combination of folk music, cheesy Irish stereotypes and the cheerful beat, come together to create a song that everyone either seems to love or despise. Although Sheeran’s recent album was one of the highest selling of the year, Galway Girl is not only incredibly overplayed but also the most cringe-worthy song to come out of 2017.

Initially, I could handle it, but the constant hoard of drunk people on nights out attempting to rap along must come to an end.  – Isabella McHardy (@isabellamchardy)

1. Taylor Swift – Look What You Made Me Do

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tmd-ClpJxA

It will come as little surprise to anyone (who’s not called Josh Adams) that Taylor Swift’s comeback single Look What You Made Me Do has been chosen as blinkclyro’s worst track of 2017. Before this track’s release, it would be fair to say that Swift was an artist unlikely to win any personality contests, however, she largely kept her undesirable public persona out of her music, until the release of the lead single from reputation.

Look What You Made Me Do may be the pettiest track that someone of Swift’s stature has ever released, not so much referencing but revelling in some of her pettiest beefs, which everyone but Swift seems to have moved on from. Astonishingly, however, the lyrics aren’t the worst part of the track by a long shot. Swift abandoned her sugary pop landscape for a cheap, generic trap beat which she lands on top of like a monkey on ice – for parts of the track, her vocal delivery ventures into a form of rapping which can’t be described as any better than sickening.

After all this slating, we haven’t even got into the chorus yet: it literally consists of Swift speaking the track’s title monotonously with the cadence of I’m Too Sexy (For My Shirt). Yes, it’s that bad. Finally, if you can make it through that voicemail message without wanting to vomit everything you’ve ever eaten, you’re a stronger person than I’ll ever be. – Andrew Barr (@weeandreww)

ALBUM REVIEW: For Crying Out Loud by Kasabian

By Oliver Butler (@notoliverbutler)

Coming to an eardrum near you, Kasabian‘s sixth studio album, For Crying Out Loud has finally been brought into the world, covered in sticky Pizzorno afterbirth.

First things first, the cover. Foremost, it is a touching, lovely and humourous homage to their longstanding roadie, Rick Graham, in an industry where roadies are the unsung heroes of many rock bands. Secondly, it’s a little confusing why yer da is crying emojis and they’ve put (2017) quite prominently on the album’s cover, but hey, that’s rock ‘n’ roll for ya. Yer da’s worked hard to get himself on an album cover, the least you can do is be happy for him.

Kicking off with III Ray (The King), the album starts with the trademark punchy lad rock that could be bottled up and sold by Kasabian on the merch stand, the sort that will get crowds moving and get fans strutting down the street. A fantastic way to start the album, and perfect as part of a balanced, nutritional playlist. Whilst this is a twelve track album, a lot of it fails to register with the brain and feels like filler material that’s been quickly thrown together on the bus to school when the album’s due in THAT MORNING AND MR RECORD PRODUCER IS GONNA GIVE YOU DETENTION FUCK!

Tracks suck as Twentyfourseven and Good Fight feel like boiled ham between the bread of You’re In Love With a Psycho and Comeback Kid. Sure, boiled ham isn’t bad, but you’d rather be chewing on some succulent honey roast. With this analogy, You’re In Love With a Pyscho is also a slightly stale piece of bread, but Comeback Kid is a fine piece of sourdough and one of the best tracks on the album.

Comeback Kid was one of the standout single releases prior to the album launch, and it would take someone with a heart of stone not to be lifted by the triumphant horns at the beginning. Whilst Kasabian need not stage a comeback, the message is an uplifting one. Wasted is a moody, dance track and one of the better songs off the album, doesn’t feel like filler material and really gives you the flavour of the personal turmoil that went into this album, the lyrical theme takes you to a time and place where you could still be with the one you love, but as the song suggests, there’s been so much time, wasted, without you.

The mix of styles, genres and influences on this album are incredibly interesting, with Are You Looking For Action? a slow, chilled out track, whereas Bless This Acid House could have been pulled straight from Status Quo‘s back catalogue.

Image result for kasabian 2017

But the question that burns the most is; is this a bad album? No, it’s not a terrible album in any way, shape, or form, but it’s not a good album either. It’s just a bit… yeah, it’s there, like a trifle, or the pavement. It’s not an offensive album, but compared to the first four albums, it’s not one that you could listen to over and over again, there’s no Fire, no L.S.F, no Empire, no Vlad the Impaler. There’s a lack of classic Kasabian anthems that will cause audiences to leave arenas structurally unsafe. Love them or hate them, Kasabian‘s reputation comes off the back of OOOOOOF”in’ good anthems. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’ve never sung Fire or Club Foot whilst pissed, because you have, and if you say you haven’t, you’re fronting to look cool.

Kasabian promised that this album would ‘save guitar music’, but a lot of it feels like wasted potential, that this album could have saved the totally-fine-but-we’ll-gloss-over-that guitar music world, but tripped over its own shoelaces as it tried to get over the finish line. Whilst their status as Brit Lads ‘n’ Dads rock royalty will forever be guaranteed by their previous convictions, this album certainly doesn’t feel like a jewel in their crown. They will continue to fill out arenas and stadiums, but this latest offering fails to bring the classic stadium anthems that Kasabian have long promised.

With this album, Kasabian will be lucky if they can save a Word document.

6/10


The boys are back with a big bloody bang. Gone is the weirdness of previous effort 48:13, Serge and the gang have gone back to their roots: writing tunes with the sole purpose of making the crowd go fucking mental in a live setting. And with songs like III Ray and Twentyfourseven in their upgraded arsenal, fucking mental the crowd shall go. 

7.5/10 – Jake Cordiner (@jjjjaketh)

It’s not the worst thing ever made. As iterated previously, tracks like III Ray have that Kasabian sheen to them that’ll no doubt go down a belter in their abundance of festival appearances. Despite this though, the band do very little to live up to their claim of saving guitar music. Instead of delivering a defibrillator, For Crying Out Loud is a half arsed attempt at CPR.

4/10 – Liam Menzies (@blnkclyr)


 

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TRACK REVIEW: You’re In Love With A Psycho by Kasabian

By Oliver Butler (@notoliverbutler)

Back again for a sixth bite of the cherry, Kasabian are back with You’re In Love With a Psycho, the first single from their upcoming studio album, For Crying Out Loud, hoping to further cement themselves as Britrock royalty and the heirs to Oasis’ parka-draped throne.

The cover for the Leicester lads’ new album is a bit odd, for which they’ve got a black and white photo of yer da pulling the same face he does whenever Jeremy Corbyn appears on the telly & stuck some teardrop emojis on it. Lovely stuff. Same goes for the cover for You’re In Love With a Psycho, yer da, this time from the back. Good to see he’s keeping busy.

After the radical-ish electro synth departure that was the inventively titled 48:13 three years ago, the Leicester quintet signaled that their next offering would be a more guitar-centric album, and YINWAP (which, acronymised, sounds like a shit knockoff of WinZip), ratifies that statement, as there are guitars on this track.

The track has a light, bouncy and airy feel to it, following a more familiar Kasabian blueprint than the 48:13 era. The guitar is gentle but gets your foot tapping along with the drum beat, the shared vocal duties between Meighan and Pizzorno are Klassic Kasabian, and quite well performed. It’s not a bad song by any stretch, it’s just a bit… you know… meh, a bit vanilla, a bit ‘mmmyeahalright’. Fingers should be crossed that this is one of the more weaker tracks off the album, and will form part of a well-rounded album.

Lyrical highlights include “I’m like the taste of macaroni on a seafood stick”, which, to be honest, sounds fucking delightful and “you’ve got me switched on baby like electric eels” which is pretty cool. The lyrics are jolly and clever in parts, with the chorus no doubt becoming an all-hands-on-deck singalong when performed live.

ffc35eb2a38b4a18062191685abe6885db5c4bcf
Yer da, showing off his new tattoo.

When all is said and sung, there’s nothing particularly groundbreaking about this song, it’s actually quite forgettable. It’ll fit nicely into your workout playlist, good for the pre-drink Spotify queue, but you’ll have forgotten the song by the time it’s finished. Is it a bad song? Not at all, it’s a decent track, if not a little weak, but you have to listen to it a good few times in a row before it starts to sink in.

As part of their return to the public consciousness, Kasabian, in their own Kasabianny way promised that they were going to bring guitar music back from “the abyss”. Alrighty then. First off, do they mean a) Professional wrestler Abyss? b) James Cameron’s 1989 film, ‘The Abyss’ or c) the actual abyss where guitar music hasn’t gone and can’t be found. Guitar music’s perfectly fine, lads, in fact, it would be fair to say that it’s healthier than ever, with new and exciting acts seemingly sprouting from the ground every day!

However boys, if you truly are going to save guitar music, you’d better hope the rest of the album packs a stronger punch, for crying out loud!

4/10


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TRNSMT Just Announced Their Lineup And The Internet Is Happy

By Liam Menzies (@blinkclyro)

 

In stark contrast to the sub-par reception to the Reading and Leeds announcement, the reveal of the very first TRNSMT festival line-up has been received with sheer positivity. With the festival being hyped up as a replacement to T In The Park, more on that later, TRNSMT have one-upped the long lasting Scottish festival with three stellar headliners.

T In The Park’s organisers confirmed in November that the festival would be ‘taking a break’ in 2017 after a series of problems in recent years on site at Strathallan Castle and while TRNSMT is set to fill in the gap, DF Concerts boss Geoff Ellis insisted that TRNSMT should not be viewed as a “replacement” for T. Ellis hopes that eventually TRNSMT could exist side by side with T and make Scotland a real festival force and with the acts announced for the 7th-9th July, there’s a real chance of that happening.

Related image

Friday will be fronted by musical pioneers Radiohead who have long been rumoured to be making an appearance and will not only be doing so but bringing along homegrown critical gems Belle and Sebastian in addition to London Grammar (meh) and Rag N’ Bone Man, packing in more diversity in just one day than R+L managed over two. The following day will see Kasabian, previously announced as a UK festival exclusive for R+L, lead Saturday night’s events with a whole host of acts such as Catfish & The Bottlemen and Circa Waves serving that niche indie rock/mod crowd that T In The Park slowly but surely started to pander to in its final years.

It wouldn’t be a proper Scottish festival without a native headliner and who else but Biffy Clyro would be chosen to take on the challenge having played out a stunning show at Bellahouston Park last summer. Not only that but The 1975 and Twin Atlantic will be preceding the bearded rockers, making sure that festival goers will be getting more bang for their buck considering many would pay upwards of £30 to see each act separately.

Not only will there be heavy-hitters but Glasgow will be staying true to its roots by displaying up and coming acts. “Something that we’re going to be doing at TRNSMT as well is the King Tut’s stage, which is going to be an emerging artists’ stage. To me that’s important because the King Tut’s venue has played an important role in the music scene in Glasgow and in Scotland,” Ellis said.

The reactions have been enthusiastic to say the least, as shown by twitter users here:

https://twitter.com/bbloodorange/status/826527713141858305

 

 

https://twitter.com/ellliot_wood/status/826517969081622528

With many seeing TRNSMT as a must go festival along with Parklife, Glasgow could be well on its way to cementing itself as not only a haven for gigs but festivals as well.


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