Jake’s Favourite Horror Movie Soundtracks

Hello my troublesome troops, Jake Cordiner back again on this crazy train of horror fuelled journalism! In celebration of Thom Yorke’s (from the Radiohead’s dont’cha know) recently released soundtrack from the Suspiria remake, I thought I’d just have a wee chat about some of my favourite horror film soundtracks over the years. That cool with you? Well, I flipping hope so because YOU CAN’T STOP ME, DAD. I’ll make a dainty wee playlist for you lovely lot of my favourite tracks from the soundtracks I discuss, and maybe some extra ones! Let’s get going.

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First off, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Goblin’s utterly masterful soundtrack from the original Suspiria. Goblin are renowned for their soundtrack work, scoring such classics as Zombi, Contamination and… Patrick? What the fuck kind of title for a film is Patrick? I digress, those other soundtracks are exquisite pieces of synth-driven prog, but the Suspiria soundtrack is where the Italian weirdos shine. It covers such a wide range of soundscapes and genres: there’s a bit of jazz thrown in, some industrial rock, a wee hint of post-rock and some driving prog as well. Its scatterbrained nature lines up perfectly with the original Suspiria’s unashamed obtuseness. It’s really, very, very good.

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During the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I don’t think John Carpenter slept. His directorial work is almost untouchable (that almost being Ghosts of Mars (which is still a good bit of fun)). But when he wasn’t in the director’s chair, shouting at presumably Kurt Russell, he was in the studio, maaaaaan. Rocking out and crafting some of the best soundtrack work ever. Seriously, some of this stuff is insane, from the utterly iconic main theme from Halloween to the rockier material found in the Escape From New York and Escape From L.A scores, the man couldn’t be stopped.

However, my personal favourite work of his, both cinematically and musically, is In The Mouth of Madness. This wee slice of Lovecraft inspired gold is hideously underappreciated, and so is the soundtrack. The main theme, in particular, is an absolute banger, mixing the creeping synth work that Carpenter had made his signature style with some badass guitar from DAVE DAVIES FROM THE KINKS! How and why that came about I’ll never know, the solos on the song couldn’t be further from how the Kinks sounded in their day, but I do not care. It’s cool as fuck and deserves to be heard.

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Disasterpiece (better known as Richard Vreeland) is really cool. He’s scored some of the indie gaming scene’s biggest darlings, from Fez to Hyperlight Drifter to Cannon Brawl. But nothing he’s done has come even close to his work on the It Follows soundtrack. I’m quite sure everyone reading knows what It Follows is, but for the uninitiated, this 2015 horror is one of my modern pillars of the genre, alongside Hereditary, The VVitch, and The Babadook. It is about an STI that causes scary people who can’t be stopped to follow you. It’s magnificent, and so is the soundtrack.

Vreeland uses distortion, reverb and, perhaps most effectively, silence throughout the soundtrack and manages to add to the films lingering sense of dread and despair tenfold. Its a rare case of a film soundtrack being literally integral to the film, without Disasterpiece’s work on It Follows I’m not sure the film would be nearly as effective in its quest to scare. Get on it immediately.

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Under the Skin is tremendously fucked up. Based on Michael Faber’s 2000 book of the same name, Jonathan Glazer’s Glasgow based horror follows an alien (played brilliantly by Scarlett Johansson) going around Glasgow and harvesting men. That’s all you need to know. The soundtrack fits the films perpetually dark and dreary vibe impeccably. Scored by Mica Levi, the music smashes together a contemporary orchestral foundation with layers upon layers of distortion, haunting reverb and a deliberate opaqueness that showers everything else. In essence, a vast majority of the soundtrack makes the listener feel like they’re being sucked into an endlessly black void. It’s genuinely uncomfortable at points, but so is Glazer’s film. A perfect marriage, submerged in black.

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Lastly, I’m going to touch on Sinoia Cave’s soundtrack for Panos Cosmatos’ abstract masterpiece Beyond the Black Rainbow. To attempt to describe this film would do it a great disservice, but basically, a girl is off her tits and is trying to get out of a Bad Building. That’s the gist of it. The soundtrack was composed by Jeremy Schmidt of Canadian rockers Black Mountain, who claimed his main influences were the creeping horror of soundtracks like Halloween, The Shining and, hold on, Risky Business?! Leave my favourite wee Scientologist out of it you fiend!

Regardless, this soundtrack can only be described as epic. A sprawling and oftentimes jarring synth driven journey that complements Cosmatos’s vision effortlessly. I stand firmly in the camp that the soundtracks near 20-minute odyssey “1966 – Let The New Age of Enlightenment Begin” is in the upper echelon of music for any genre of film, fuck just horror. It is that good and weird and creepy and off-kilter.

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So, those are just a handful of my favourite pieces of horror soundtrack work to date. I’ll embed the wee Spotify playlist at the bottom with some more lovely pieces of sound to creep you the shitting fuck out. Tune in next time where I transcribe a decidedly one-sided interview I had with famed murderer Michael Myers! Ok bye, love you!

 

Jake’s 6 Underrated Horror Flicks

Hey y’all, Jake here.

For my next trick, I’ve decided to try and shine a wee light on some of the lesser known horror flicks that are floating around the filmosphere, because I feel bad for them and feel they deserve a bit of attention. Here we chuffing go, you lovely lot!

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First on the agenda is 2013’s Coherence, directed by James Ward Byrkit, this Canadian sci-fi/thriller is a hard one to describe without ruining anything. Basically, some old friends meet for a dinner party during a meteor shower and shit hits the fan in a wonderfully headfucky way. Great acting, a plot that is near impossible to pin down, and one of the best endings I can remember in recent sci-fi history, this is definitely one to add to your Halloween watch party.

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Next up, I thought I’d go contemporary with Stephen Congnetti’s 2015 found footage spooktacular Hell House LLC. It follows a team of… it’s hard to give a description of their job, they travel around the US refurbishing abandoned / spooky looking places and making them into haunted mansions or ghost train things. It’s a hard job but some poor motherfucker has to do it.

Anyway, this particular house that they decide to flip is positively crawling with ghosties and ghoulies, so much so that the majority of the crew don’t want to continue with the build, except for the project manager who for some reason cares more about the build than the safety of himself and the other crew members. If you look past that silliness it’s a remarkably effective and enjoyable found footage romp. I caught it on Shudder, and I believe it’s on Amazon Prime now as well.

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Now we’re onto Turkish gore-fest Baskin. Directed by Can Evrenol, this film is all sorts of fucked up. It follows a group of Turkish policeman as they investigate strange goings-on within an abandoned building. The true nature of these goings on, I shan’t tell you, for it would ruin the fun, but just know that this flick is not for the faint of heart. Half of the budget must have been spent on the gore effects alone, and I mean that very sincerely. This is a raw, visceral film that does not hold back one bit, and it is all the better for it.

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Penultimately, let’s talk about Creep 1 & 2, starring the incredible Mark Duplass. This tells the tale of a violently mentally ill man who may or may not have given his videographer (played brilliantly by Patrick Brice) the full low down on his “situation”. Creep 2 follows the story along almost straight after the events of the first have unfolded, so to spoil any of that would be silly of me, wouldn’t it? BAD JAKE! VERY BAD! STRAIGHT TO YOUR ROOM! WITH NO SUPPER!

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Eh, sorry. Haha. Anyway, one thing Creep 2 does masterfully is sort-of-but-not-really dissect YouTuber culture and the lengths some creators will go to just to gain more clicks. It’s really cool, superbly tense and Mark Duplass is fucking magnificent. They’re both on Netflix and they aren’t long at all so it’s really ideal for a double feature.

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Lastly, for this piece, I’d be positively overjoyed to talk about Monster House! Monster House, while not overtly “Scary” per-se, has a creepy atmosphere that lingers throughout. It’s also incredibly funny and sad and weird, AND it was written by Dan Harmon. It follows a team of three kids who are convinced that the man who lives across from them’s house is alive and is eating children, pets, toys, cars, you name it! (Sounds a bit like my mother in law! ZING! (Sorry Catherine please god don’t hurt me)). This is one you can fire on and watch with your younger siblings/ children/kids your babysitting / whatever you get up to I won’t tell the police, so it’s well worth firing up on Netflix if you’re after a wee bit of fun.

So that’s my list! Tune in next time where I put on a GoPro and jump into a piranha tank! Bye, I love you!

Jakes Horror-ific Halloween Guide

By Jake Cordiner (@jjjjaketh)

HEY HOWDY HEY DUDES AND DUDETTES! Jake here with the last Halloween piece of 2017 pauses for crowd sympathy. This has been a wild ride, and it’s been fun as hell. So let’s get going – I’m going to give you ideas for your Halloween movie marathons! And imma kick things off with…

TOP 5 FOUND FOOTAGE FILMS

Just as an aside, I’m not going to go super in-depth with the descriptions of any of these choices for the sake of brevity, so sorry! ANYWHO

5: Cloverfield

This is in my top 3 films of all time. It’s brilliant. A smashing big sea monster wakes up and attacks New York. That’s all you need to know. Not necessarily a horror film which is why it’s at number 5 but I’d feel remiss if I didn’t mention it so…

4: The Taking of Deborah Logan

Caught this on a whim on Netflix and thought it was bloody cracking. Starts off as your standard possession film but goes buck wild as it progresses.

3: Paranormal Activity

The film you can blame for the wave of really shitty modern found footage films. When this was released, however, it was as big a deal as The Blair Witch Project. Incredibly effective and constantly creepy. Just avoid the sequels.

2: Blair Witch

THAT’S RIGHT I’M BRINGING THIS FILM UP AGAIN I LOVE IT FUCK EVERYONE WHO HATES IT MY ADDRESS IS removed for the safety of the writer COME AND FIND ME

1: REC

This wee Spanish-Language zombie flick is a total doozie. It all takes place in a block of flats and it’s entirely fucked up. Just watch it.

SNACK: i’m going to try and recommend a humorous snack for each of these sup categories so for found footage…

A CAMERA LENSE FILLED WITH BONBONS!

TOP 5 SCI-FI SCARE…RS

5: Slither

A small town in the US is attacked by mad wee parasitic slug aliens in James Gunn’s 2006 horror comedy. It’s very good.

4: Jason X

There has to be a wee bit of cheese throughout this article and here’s a slab of prime stilton. Jason Voorhees… in space… killing folk. What’s not to love?

3: Alien

Hell yeah, baby, the granddaddy of Modern Sci-Fi! Alien is still almost perfect like… 40 years after it’s release? An astonishing piece of work from oor Ridley. I’m sure almost everyone who will read this has seen it before but if for some reason you haven’t, do yourself a bloody favour.

2: The Thing

I can hear you all now… “he’s put Alien 3rd and The Thing 2nd…? But… But they’re the best!” I’m buzzing for you to see number 1 lemme tell ya. The Thing is a stone cold (PUNS!) classic, and the less known about it going in the better. An alien attacks a remote research base in Antarctica. That’s all that needs to be said.

1: Event Horizon

HELL YES BABY! This film is balls to the wall nuts and I fucking adore it. The plot doesn’t even matter, it’s just pure nuttiness happening on a spaceship and you should WATCH IT

SNACK: for the sci-fi genre, might I recommend some mixed Milky Way confectionary? a crispy roll perhaps? or some magic stars? and a wee mars bar as a pallet cleanser. To be served on a.. sniggers a wee SAUCER!

TOP 5 GORY FILMS

5: Literally Any Saw Film

The only good Saw film is Saw 1. The rest are varying levels of laughably bad. But if you’re a gorehound like me watching the Saw series is a no-brainer (MORE PUNS!).

4: Literally any Hostel film

Read the above entry but replace the word Saw with the word Hostel. Some of you may call this lazy journalism, I call it energy conservation.

3: Men Behind The Sun

I saw this on YouTube about 6 years ago and it’s one of the most mental films ever. It’s about Japanese war experiments and, in some places, it’s shitting vile.

2: A Serbian Film

Ah, this old chestnut. One of only two films to ever make me actually vomit (you’ll know EXACTLY what scene I’m talking about when/if you watch it) this 2010 film tells the tale of a retired porn star who takes one more job to keep his family afloat. This job ends up being FUCKED THE FUCK UP.

1: Dead Alive (or Braindead)

One of Peter Jackson’s first feature films, this is a hilariously disgusting zombie feature that includes one of my favourite scenes in cinema history (lawnmower). It’s stupid, but it’s knowingly stupid so it doesn’t get annoying.

SNACK: like a smashing big fucking pile of raw meat? fuck knows, knock yourselves out.

TOP 5 CREATURE FEATURES!

5: The Host

A wonderfully shot Korean sea monster film, you’ve probably seen the films opening scene in every “best horror scenes” youtube compilation ever.

4: Krampus

More a Christmas film this but I’m giving it a wee nod anyway. Krampus is the evil Santa who kills your family if you’ve been bad. Make sure you see the actually good Krampus film starring Adam Scott and Champ from Anchorman and not the shite ones that they always release around Christmas.

3: Shin Godzilla

2016’s Shin Godzilla is balls to the wall mad. It ends up being more about how the Japanese government deals with the effects of Godzilla rather than just a film about Godzilla going mental but it works and it absolutely should not. This was one of my favourite films of last year so give it a shot!

2: The Fly (1986)

This could have been in the sci-fi list as well but I don’t want to mention the same films twice (which is why Cloverfield isn’t in this list as well). The Fly is a terribly sad film about a man who does a wee experiment on a fly that goes horrifically wrong. Also, Jeff Goldblum is in it and he’s the best actor ever.

1: The Descent

This is such a good fucking film god damn it. Cave exploration GONE WILD 2017 XXX. Is all I’ll say.

SNACK: Monster Much, obviously.

TOP 5 HORROR GAMES!
Oh yes, baby a motherfucking curveball.

5: Amnesia: The Dark Descent

If you’re at all into gaming, you’ve heard of this. You can’t fight your enemies, you have to run away, which makes exploring this victorian-era castle all the more unnerving.

4: Outlast 2

This game got way under my skin when I played it earlier this year. Using only your camera, you must traverse through a Christian cult’s compound in the remote mountains of the US of A. You will shit yourself.

3: Silent Hill 2

I shouldn’t have to explain what this game/series is all about so y’know what? I won’t. Just bloody hurry up and play it. Trust me, it’s very, VERY good.

2: Resident Evil… SEVEN

The latest installment in the Resident Evil franchise is tied with Resi 4 as the best in the series for me. Resi 7 is way scarier though. One of the only games where i’ve had to pause and have a wee break in between sections. You explore the Baker house as Ethan Winters, looking for your wife Mia. Then bad things happen.

1: Dead Space 2

I just replayed this, so I may have a slight bias to it but I genuinely think this game is almost perfect. As Isaac Clarke, you wake up in a psychiatric ward in the wake of another necromorph outbreak. As you learn more about why you were in the ward in the first place, the puzzle pieces start falling into order and you realise you may have had more to do with the outbreak than you thought…

SNACKS: millionaire shortbread because it’s nice 🙂

 

BEST SLASHER FILMS

5: Freddy vs Jason

An absolutely wonderfully shitty cheesefest, the two kings of the slasher genre face off to see who’s better at killing mentally deficient teens. It’s a worldy of a film.

4: You’re Next

This could also fall into the category of home invasion films. You’re Next is about a big family getting taken out one by one by psychos wearing big animal masks. It’s better than I’ve made it sound, trust me.

3: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

It’s shocking how well this film has stood the test of time, it’s still fucking disgusting FORTY THREE YEARS after it’s initial release. Well worth a watch or a rewatch for just how dirty and horrible it makes you feel. It’s obviously about a man in Texas that insights a massacre using a chainsaw. Duh.

2: The Cabin in the Woods

Kind of bending my own rules here but THERE ARE SLASHER ELEMENTS IN THIS FILM! I love this motion picture. It’s funny and scary in equal measure. Go in as blind as you possibly can and you will be rewarded with one of the smartest horror films ever made.

1: Scream

Hell yeah my dudes I love Scream to the moon and back. I said all I really have to say about this genuine masterpiece in my top 10 horror films piece (that’s right, i’m not above shameless self promotion) so see that if you want to know my full thoughts on this wee classic.

SNACKS: make cupcakes with wee marzipan eyes on the top. Woah spooky!

and for your last list…

BEST HORROR FILMS OF THE DECADE (SO FAR)!

5: It

2017’s It is an utter joy of a film. Every performance is brilliant, every scare lands perfectly but above all else it’s gutbustingly funny. This is a break out performance from Stranger Things star Finn Wolfhard (such a fucking rad name) but everyone in the cast gets their time to shine.

4: Cohesion

This is an awkward one to talk about. If you only go in blind with one of the films i’ve talked about in this article, please make sure it’s this one. I cannot say anything more about this film than something strange happens at a dinner party and that it’s honestly incredible.

3: Raw

A coming of age story wrapped around someone’s uncooked leg. This is part Clueless part Cannibal Holocaust and it is ALL AMAZING baby.

2: The VVitch

This film is about a witch that terrorises a family in 1500s New England and it is truly terrifying without relying at all on jump scares. So good.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Horror has been so good recently that i’d feel bad not mentioning these so HERE GOES;

Baskin
The Void
The Conjuring 1 & 2
Insidious 1 & 2
Ouija 2
The Babadook
It Follows
Kill List
Evil Dead
Under the Shadow
Gerald’s Game
Train To Busan
Green Room
Hush
Creep

and your number one modern horror film IS…

1: Get Out

Jordan Peele is a genius. This is a ludicrously smart film about the way POC’s are still be treated in modern day society. It’s hilarious in one moment and hideously uncomfortable in the next, and that’s why it’s my favourite modern horror film.

SNACKS: hmm… Soylent because it’s modern!

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There’s your lot! I want to thank Liam for letting me write about horror films for the past month. I love you my guy. If you want any further recommendations from me for some reason, you can find me on twitter here: @jjjjaketh. Peace out fuckers. x

Jake’s Movie Picks #2

Jake, here again, watched another horror film this week so without further interruption lets get cracking… PSYCHE, HONOURABLE MENTION BITCH!

Brawl In Cell Block 99

This is an honourable mention because it’s not a horror but it IS an incredibly good film. “Brawl…” Stars Vince Vaughn as an ex-boxer turned drug runner who ends up in the jail after a shootout with the popo. Aye… Vince Vaughn is the main star of this brutal, pulpy, 70s inspired grindhouse-like film and let me tell you something ladies and gentlefolk, he absolutely fucking KILLS IT. He is SO good at being an absolute nutter. An absolute revelation of a performance.

As for the film itself, it’s an absolute corker. Quite straightforward in it’s writing and direction (like writer/director S. Craig Zahler’s first feature film, the excellent Bone Tomahawk) but it doesn’t need to be complex. The action is choreographed and directed flawlessly, with Zahler choosing to keep the camera static throughout the occasionally disgusting action sequences. You’ll find no shaky cam here, and it’s better for it. Even when the violence borderlines on cartoonish, they fight scenes seem far more real without the camera freaking the fuck out constantly. Can we get #LetsStopShakyCam trending please? Cheers guys.

The supporting guest are nothing to sniff at either, everyone hamming it up to fuck (in keeping with the films hammier/grindhouse aesthetics). Don Johnson is in particular scene chewing form as the cunty as they come Warden Tuggs. But as I mentioned before, this is very much Vaughn’s film, giving a surprisingly subdued (for the most part) and emotional performance as Bradley Thomas.

S. Craig Zahler is two for two then. This is an often brutal but always brilliant character study of a man who will do anything for his family, and you’ll be hard pressed find a more upset Korean abortionist in any other film you see this year.

rating 9

The Ghoul

I didn’t really get a chance to see a lot of horror films this week, sadly. However, I did catch The Ghoul starring Tom Meeten, probably best known for portraying Andy Warhol in Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy, and Dan Renton Skinner (or Angelos Epithemiou from Shooting Stars). It was pretty darn good: I’m here for this new wave of modern, smart British horror that was more or less kickstarted by Ben Wheatley (who exec. produces this film) with 2011’s brilliant Kill List (in which The Ghoul director Gareth Tunley has a small role. THE MORE YOU KNOW!). The Ghoul, whilst not belonging to the same sub-genre of horror as Kill List, continues the trend that Wheatley started – that trend being horror THAT MAKES YA GO “HMMMMM”.

Meeten plays homicide detective Chris, who’s given an absolutely bizarre case. A couple were shot a total of 5 times by an unknown perp, and they didn’t go down. What follows is a man losing his fucking mind. Chris goes undercover, posing as a mentally ill man and begins therapy with a very suspect pair of “mental health experts” (played expertly by Niamh Cusack and the absolutely bloody wonderful Geoffrey McGivern). He basically goes absolutely bloody mental and falls into a world of satanisim and the occult. Also Alice Lowe is there, and it’s just nice to see Alice Lowe in things isn’t it? She’s well good.

This is becoming a theme with my horror reviews, but I suppose it comes with the territory. There’s not much more I can say about this film without ruining some tasty twists and turns. Just know that this film is a bloody cracking slice of surrealist horror, and that this is an absolutely star making performance by Tom Meeten. God almighty he’s good in this, i’ve already started a petition to get him roles in every film that ever gets made from now on. There’s only 3 signatures though and the other two are from my mum and dad 😞.

On the real though, Meeten is absolutely different class in this film. Portraying the potentially mentally ill Chris with grace and aplomb. Having been mostly known for his comedic roles in the past you’d be forgiven for being apprehensive of him taking a stab at a serious role, but he knocks it out of the park.

In short, this is a lovely wee film and is well worth checking out. And you can! It’s being shown on Film4 on Monday the 30th of October as part of their FilmFear series. So you’ve no bloody excuse not to seek this wee number out!

rating 7
That’s all from me this week. I’ll be back before halloween with a comprehensive horror viewing guide if my editor allows me to ever write again. Toodle-pip!

Jake’s Movie Picks #1

By Jake Cordiner (@jjjjaketh)

UNDER THE SHADOW

Set in the 1980’s during the infamous “War of the Cities”, Under The Shadow is a supremely creepy film. After a missile hits our protagonists, mother Shideh and daughter Dorsa’s, apartment building, superstitious neighbours are convinced that the missile rating 8shell was cursed and contained evil spirits or Djinn. As the days progress, more and more strange goings on occur around their home and Shideh becomes convinced that the Djinn are attempting to possess her daughter. Under The Shadow has been on my radar for the better part of a year, ever since seeing the high praise that Best Film Critic Currently Alive Mark Kermode™ (my words, not his) gave it. And I’m incredibly happy to report that it lives up to the hype and then some. This film has a lingering, ever-present darkness that hangs over each and every scene (barring maybe the Jane Fonda workout tape scenes… aye).

There’s always the sense that something horrible is just about to happen. Constant explosions can be heard in the background throughout the film, some closer than others, which works wonders in conveying the ever-present danger that plagued the citizens of Iraq and Iran during the “War of the Cities”. The film as a whole can be seen as one big fuck off metaphor about the horrors of war, but I also seen it as a study in how a mother’s love can outweigh anything, be it evil spirits threatening to take her daughter, or evil men threatening to take the lives of her and everyone she loves. As for the scares, they are FANTASTIC. The aforementioned perpetually creepy atmosphere make it so when a genuine fright occurs, it’s almost twice as effective. Add to this two powerful central performances from Narges Rashidi (Shideh) and newcomer Avin Manshadi (Dorsa), you’ve got a big pot of scary soup on the hob baby. Though there

The aforementioned perpetually creepy atmosphere make it so when a genuine fright occurs, it’s almost twice as effective. Add to this two powerful central performances from Narges Rashidi (Shideh) and newcomer Avin Manshadi (Dorsa), you’ve got a big pot of scary soup on the hob baby. Though there were one or two relatively cheap jump scares, the vast majority of frights in Under The Shadow are cerebral and goosebump-inducing. Under The Shadow is truly a film that will dig its way deep under your skin.

GERALD’S GAME

A film adaption Gerald’s Game shouldn’t exist. Constantly described as “literally unfilmable” this 1992 Stephen King story is a complex tale about a woman going slowly insane. To describe it any further would

rating 7ruin some of this film’s magic, so, kind of but not really SPOILERS for the rest of this wee review. Jeff Flanagan then, by the account of the doubters, has achieved the impossible. Gerald’s Game is a whip smart, uncomfortable, tense and pitch black horror/thriller. Carla Gugino and Bruce Greenwood play Jessie and Gerald Burlingame. A slightly above middle-aged couple who, in an attempt to spice up their slightly failing marriage, hire a friend’s forest cabin for a weekend of fine dining and finer SHAGGIN’. Things get a bit too rowdy for Jessie, a series of bad things happen and she’s left handcuffed to a bed, alone, in the middle of the woods. Not ideal. She begins hallucinating multiple… people (OR IS SHE HALLUCINATING OOOOOO?!) and slowly goes insane. There’s also a pretty cute dog that gets involved.

There’s honestly not much I can say plot-wise that won’t ruin some of the films later developments, so excuse my vagueness but I really think this is a film that should be experienced with as little prior knowledge of the source material as possible. Now, is the film good? In short, yes.Very, very good. The majority of the film is shot in such a way that you feel like you’re in the bedroom with Jessie, every uncomfortable tug on her wrists from the handcuffs is palpable and stunningly uncomfortable. Gugino’s performance(s) as Jessie is nothing short of fantastic. Selling the characters perpetual descent into madness with aplomb. Credit also to Bruce Greenwood who plays the titular Gerald with a wonderful and knowing cuntiness. The make-up used in the film is also to be commended, particularly in the case of Jessie’s wrists and face as the film progresses, and the design of the Moonlight Man (who I won’t talk about any more but HOLEE SHIT is he creepy).

There’s a sliiiiiiiiiight deep in quality in the films final third, but not enough to tarnish what is a beautifully realised adaption of one of Stephen King’s littler known works. Having been a fan of Flanagan’s work in the past (namely 2013’s Oculus and 2016’s Ouija: Origin of Evil) I’m truly excited to see what he works on next.

 

Jake’s Top Ten Horror Films

By Jake Cordiner (@jjjjaketh)

Hey y’all, Jake here. Just a wee disclaimer before we kick things off. Some of my choices will be met with nothing but ire and PURE UNFILTERED RAGE. I’m so sorry. I wish I could make you all happy all the time but I’m a simple boy. So please, let us know what YOUR favourite horror films ever are on Twitter / Facebook / Bebo. Also, all hate should be directed to @NME on Twitter. Don’t tell them why you’re annoyed, just attack them. Finally, everything before 5 are interchangeable in order, this has been a hard process to narrow down. Now, let’s kick things off wiiiiiiiith…

10. Event Horizon (1997)

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I am a sucker for Lovecraftian/Cosmic horror, and Event Horizon fits the bill flawlessly for me. Sure, some of the acting/dialogue is corny as all hell, but when a film is as genuinely creepy and visually stunning as this, I can look past it. Watch this ASAP.

9. The Babadook (2014)

The-Babadook-Poster

This used to be way, way higher on my list but on repeated viewings it slowly started creeping down. I still adore it, though. A chilling film that uses a physical entity as a surrogate for the effects and strains of PTSD and depression, this film is vital viewing.

8. Kill List (2011)

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God I love Ben Wheatley. This is a proper slow burner but when it gets going, you better believe it GETS GOING, motherfucker. A lot of twists and turns coming your way when you watch this. Go in as blind as you possibly can and I promise you you won’t be disappointed.

7. [REC] (2007)

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The grandaddy of all zombie films (I’M SAYIN IT). This Spanish-language found footage barn-buster is set almost entirely in one apartment building. It is nerve-shreddingly tense, with some of my favourite jump scares ever used in film. WATCH. IT. And avoid the US remake (I think it’s called Quarantine?) at all costs. It sucked out all the life and charm from the original, as the vast majority of remakes tend to do.

6. In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

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Sam Neill knows a good horror script when he sees one. This slice of Lovecraftian loveliness was panned by critics upon its release and I honestly cannot fathom why. Stunningly creepy, with great performances throughout and DIRECTED AND SCORED BY JOHN FUCKING CARPENTER this film is a fucking blast. Don’t let Rotten Tomatoes guide you, watch this at your earliest convenience.

5. Raw (2017)

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The most recent of all the entries on this list, Raw is a coming of age drama hidden in the middle of a big, cannibalistic sandwich. With a breathtaking central performance from Garance Marillier, this French-language film is a total fucking knockout.

4. The VVitch (2015)

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Oh baby I fucking LOVE The VVitch. Set in New England in the 1600s, this movie will get under your skin and stay there for days after you watch it. It also has my favourite jump scare in all of horror history (“PEEKABOO”) but it’s RUINED IN THE TRAILER so please try and avoid any marketing for this film you find on Youtube (to be honest, trailers should be abolished, but that’s an article for another day).

3. The Blair Witch Project (2016)

PLEASE DON’T HARM ME OR MY FAMILY I’M BEGGING YOU I MEAN NO HARM. I’m sorry, I really am, but this film terrified me like I’d never been terrified before when I seen it in the cinema. Taking the concept laid down by the original Blair Witch Project and running with it, this is a bold film with cracking performances throughout (including my boy FAMOUS ACTOR JAMES ALLEN MCCUNE!) This little sweetheart is on Netflix and I’d heartily recommend watching it as soon as possible.

2. The Descent (2005)

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Not that I was ever planning on becoming the type of man who explores caves, but this film has put me off that hobby FOR LIFE. The less said about this wee masterpiece the better, you will be on the edge of your seat throughout and you will become a hater of caves. See this film.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

I love horror films a lot and I meant it when I said this was a hard list to narrow down. So here are like… another 10 maybe? Vital horror films that I’d feel remiss to not mention at all. So in no particular order…
The Thing
The Conjuring
Get Out
Insidious
Alien
The Devil’s Backbone
SAW
It Follows
Evil Dead (original AND remake)
The Cabin in the Woods
28 Days Later
Coherence
The Fly
The Host
(Ok, I lied, that was 14, sorry)
AND SO MY NUMBER ONE HORROR FILM EVER IS…………..
1. Scream (1996)

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Hell yes my guys, fucking SCREAM (not a command, by the way). A complete skewering of slasher flicks by Wes Craven, the guy who basically popularised the genre. This film is creepy, suspenseful and really fucking funny all in equal measure. A true horror classic.

What are your fave horror films? let us know. And please, tell me how fucking wrong I am on the twitter: i’m @jjjjaketh. Have a swell day and happy October!!!

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Halloween 2015: The Best Creepypastas! 

Halloween is fast approaching. Time to drench yourself in blood (hopefully fake) and get your spook on. Just like a male MP thinking about tampons, this time of the year is full of horror, whether it be watching Nightmare On Elm Street for the 50th time or drinking so much that your liver is no longer amongst the living.

All jokes aside, and in a non social justice warrior way, it’s 2015: movies are no longer the main source of scares. The horror genre has been filled with jump scare filled flicks that rely too much on shaky cam, meaning you’ll be running to the bathroom due to motion sickness before you let out a scream. Nope, the greatest scares can be found right here. No, not on my blog, although you might find my posts scarily bad, they can be found on the internet.

Creepypastas have boomed in popularity, no doubt due to the appeal of telling your favourite camp-site horror stories around the world’s biggest camp-fire. Whether or not any of them are true, the paranoia that takes place makes it too hard not to read  There’s terrible ones and there’s good ones but here at BLINKCLYRO, we’ve chosen the best there is so readers beware, you’re in for a scare (don’t sue me R.L. Stine).

1999

Whereas most lists will gradually work their way up to the best, I’m gonna come out here and say it: 1999 is my favourite creepypasta. There’s so many things that just put it up on its unreachable pedestal, whether it be the simple blog style that the story is told via or how the dark subject matter slowly drips out rather than how most stories on the internet go from 0-100.

It’s definitely one of the biggest creepypastas, in fact it could be considered a short story in its own right, but it totally justifies every single word. 1999 follows Elliot, a young adult who is trying to find out about a TV channel he used to watch when he was younger called Caledon Local 21. What starts out as an innocent enough station, albeit badly produced, becomes more sinister with every update. I won’t go into any more detail since spoiling this story would be a crime, just bare in mind that the name Mr Bear will etch itself into the back of your mind.

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If you like this, try: Candle Coveanother story about petrifying television with a plot twist you’ll not see coming.

Squidward’s Suicide

Right this is a bit of a safe choice but seeing as it’s the first creepypasta I’ve ever read, I’m allowed to wear my rose tinted glasses for this. Squidward’s Suicide is undoubtedly the most famous Lost Episode creepypasta, stories that can only be classed as “childhood ruiners”. Unlike cartoon theories, which have to rely heavily on evidence shown by the show to try and make any disturbing revelation, lost episode creepypastas are free to do as they want. Although there are a lot of terrible ones, the truly great ones stick with you.

I don’t know if it’s possible to spoil a story that has its conclusion in the title but what makes me admire this creepypasta the most is even though it tells you what’s going to happen before you even glance at the intro, it manages to shock you. It features some graphic descriptions that even the mere mention of them made my skin crawl all over. It may have inspired a lot of copycats who use the term “hyper realistic blood” like it’s going out of style but nothing will ever have the same effect as me as the vivid account of screams and crying.

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If you like this, try; Suicidemouse.avi, the grandfather of the Lost Episode genre which is arguably just as disturbing as its successors.

The Devil Game

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Oaft. Ritual creepypastas are a common sight on the internet, acting like a guide you’d see on a baking site but instead of lovely cakes or biscuits, you’re creating something that’s capable of killing someone. So basically you’ll become the worst Great British Bake Off contestant of all time. The Devil Game does exactly what you’d expect it to and explains how to summon Satan himself. This is no doubt one of my favourite creepypastas due to the extreme detail the narrator goes into about the repercussions as well as the tiniest little bits of info for the guide. There’s one thing that makes this as amazing as it is.

The aforementioned thing I love so much about this one in particular is that as soon as you’re finished it, you want to read it all over again. No, not to follow the steps it details. Have you ever seen Fight Club that famous David Fincher movie with Edward Norton and Brad Pitt? Then you get one of cinemas greatest revelations half way through? If the answer is aye then you’ve no doubt analysed every scene before that twist, thinking how stupid you were not to notice it. That’s what The Devil game is, the creepypasta version of Fight Club. Just less explosions, more sacrificing your soul.

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If you like this, try; One Man Hide And Seek, like The Devil Game it does exactly what it says on the tin. Just, whatever you do, don’t try it out.

Abandoned by Disney

The greatest creepypastas make you think to yourself: was that real? Of course anything involving some 7 limbed creature is a bit difficult to believe but when they’re as simple and justified as Abandoned By Disney’s, you can’t help but feel a bit paranoid.

Yes, of course Disney would do something like this. They’re one of the world’s biggest companies and constantly try to capitalise on their franchises so it makes sense they’d open a resort based on Jungle Book, one of their most beloved franchises. As the story progresses, you start to feel paranoid. What could possibly be left in this desolate place? The state of the surroundings is something that makes this story stand out as to this day, I can still remember the writer describing the inside of the palace as so bare, he thinks people had stolen the molding off the walls. Absolutely immersive and the pacing, for a creepypasta, is great, building up to a pleasing conclusion, though that’s probably the wrong choice of words. Check this story out for yourself to find out.

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If you like this, try; Russian Sleep Experiment, again one of the most popular creepypastas on the web but one that’s still disturbing as all hell.

11 Miles

Last but certainly not least and fortunately for fans of The Devil Game, it’s another ritual. This time though, it’s even more terrifying which is a pretty big feat considering the whole, yeno, Devil thing.

What makes this one of the best creepypasta? To put it simply, it has a brilliant concept and an even better execution. As each mile of your journey passes and you get closer to your desire, you also get closer to a fate worse than death. The fear that strikes you gradually ramps up to such a level that you want to get out the car yourself and run away. i’d definitely suggest this as any newcomer to creepypasta’s starting off point: simple and most importantly scary.

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If you like this, try; The Rake, told in a timeline style that tells the tale of the eponymously named horrifying creature. Read with the lights on.

So that’s that. The most spine-chilling creepypastas to keep you scared this halloween and you know what the best part is? That’s only the tip of the iceberg. There’s even more stories like this on the internet, perhaps you’ve already read some and feel dissapointed like they missed out on this list. Let me know in the comments below and don’t forget to follow me at @blinkclyro for more spooky ramblings. Oh and before I forget.

Happy Halloween!

Big love, Liam x